The troubles of anxiety..

You may be wondering why this isn't a monthly favourites. As it is fast approaching the Christmas period, i am stop buying things for myself and focus on buying things for other people. With that being the case, i have had no new products to bring into my monthly favourites. This will also be the same next month.

Today though, i am back to talking about anxiety.

In my last post about anxiety, i never really spoke about why i suffer from it. To be honest, i still don't know why it started or what triggered it off, i can only assume. I used to live in a very protective bubble, and being an only child i was never left on my own in the house, ever. As my mum didn't work she was there all the time. I believe, this is where it all started (i could be wrong). About four years ago, i had my phone stolen off me, late at night while i was waiting for someone to pick me up. This was the first time where i realised bad things could actually happen to me, it hit me hard, and cue the anxiety.

My anxiety at its worse was when before i went to bed i had to go around the house and check all the doors and windows, to make sure they was locked. At one point, i was doing this a good three times before i was calm and happy that no one could get in. If that wasn't enough, i made myself go to sleep before my parents, as this made me feel safer. Knowing i was the only one in the house awake, scared me so much i would often have panic attacks. My parents plans, were planned around me, they had to make sure i could go somewhere, even if they wanted to have a meal. Cue the guilt. I won't go into too much detail, if you would like me to do a separate post on my struggle with anxiety, then leave it in the comments below and i will.

Forward on four years, and at the end of September, my parents went away for the weekend. I did do a blog post about this, but i felt so ashamed and angry with myself that i deleted it and it was never published. Coming away from the angry, i now think its important for me to post it, its important for people to know that even when your so close to beating away that anxiety, sometimes it can nearly get the better of you. Needless to say, my weekend didn't go brilliantly.

I was so tired from the week, travelling back and forth from Worcester and working too, that when it came to the Saturday evening, i was falling asleep during xfactor. I decided not to go to bed (as it was only 8.30!!) and i carried on watching xfactor, and tuned into something afterwards too. By the time i went to bed i was over tired and panic set in. Every little creak, door slam or voices, i was jumping out of my skin. I took myself to bed at half 10, the last time i looked at my clock was 2.45am. It got to the point where i was so tired that i was over emotional too, i even contemplated driving an hour and a half to my aunties, just to get out of the situation. Soon after 2.45 though i fell asleep. I was even more tired on the sunday evening, luckily though, i was very calm and relaxed, i was just unable to sleep! I eventually did though.
I was angry at myself for panicking, i was angry that i couldn't tell my parents how well i did and that i was absolutely fine. In reality though, i stayed in the house and i didn't run away, and now i am very proud of myself.

The reason why i have decided to write this blog post now is because something happened last night. Our next door neighbour came round and said that the two houses (which are about four houses away from mine) got burgled last week, panic suddenly set in my stomach. Later during the evening, my mums face started to swell and we suspected an allergic reaction, and NHS direct advised going to the hospital. When i was told, i had just got out the shower, my instant reply (through panic) was to say that I'm coming with them. I dried my hair (as her appointment wasn't for another hour) and with a unsettled feeling in my stomach decided what to do. I can't even describe what i was feeling, what was going through my head and how big the urge was to run away. I finally decided to stay at home (even though every part of me wanted to get inside that car with them), the reason i chose that decision was because anxiety grows through avoidance and i had come so far to get where i was and if i started avoiding the situation again, i would be back to square one. Fighting back the tears, i said goodbye to my parents and they went off to the hospital. Not going to lie, i panicked, tears were rolling down my face and i was regretting my decision already. I managed to distract myself with the tv and all my panic slowly disappeared. Fortunately, my parents were back within the hour, and my mum was fine. I was extremely happy with myself for fighting with my anxiety to run away and staying inside the house.

I am sure, the few of you who suffer from anxiety, know what i mean by wanting to run. By the others who don't, i literally mean, that i would of gone out the house in my pjs (or even naked) to get out of the situation, thats how strong the urge is to get out of the situation.

My main point of this post is, even when you feel like you have failed yourself because something didn't go as well as you wanted it to, doesn't mean you should give up! DO NOT GIVE UP. Giving up is the easy option, not the only option. There is a reason why you want rid of your anxiety, so don't lose sight of that reason. That reason will get you through.

Advent Calendars For Beauty Addicts 2014

Advent Calendars seemed to have upped there game the past couple of years! I started to really notice them last year, i started to get a bit jealous that girls (or guys, lets not be stereotypical now) were opening a new beauty product, each morning before Christmas.

So what has 2014 got to offer?

Ciate - Mini Mani Manor

A nail polish lovers dream. There is 24 doors to open, full of festive manicure goodness. Inside there is 17 of Ciate's most popular shades, along side five textured polishes, festive nail transfers and one full sized paint pot. 

This retails at £49 (Out now!)

(If you attend the Clothes Show in Birmingham, they often have this marked half price at the Ciate stall!)

Benefit - Candy-Coated Countdown

This was the advent calendar i lusted after last year. This also has 24 doors, which means 24 amazing benefit products! I have owned a few Benefit travel sized products before and they last ages. Even the packaging of this makes me so excited, its so bright and fun looking! It will be sold in selected Debenham's stores and also on the Benefit website and is out now!

This retails for £60 (and has a value of £109 inside)

Selfridges - Enchanted Spells

Selfridges advent calendar says it will 'take you on 24 self-binding adventures'. Inside there is lots of different high end brands such as, Shu Uemura, YSL, Kiehl's and much, much more! This is definitely on the more luxury end of the scale!

Retails at £85

Primark - Beauty Calendar

Yes, thats right, even Primark have jumped onto the beauty advent calendar band wagon this year! I think it mainly consists of nail varnishes, but whats not to love for only £15? (There is also a 12 day one which is even cheaper!!)

Retails for £15

Lush - 12 days of Christmas

Now for something a little bit different, this isn't technically an advent calendar. I just found it so super cool that i had to put it in for all those lush fans out there! Lush have brought out a 12 days of christmas book. I think you would more class this as a gift set rather than an advent calendar, but lets be honest, do we always use things the way they are meant to be used? No. Inside the book is 12 of the most popular products from lush, and what a better to way to spend every day up until Christmas?

(Image from google)

Retails at £49.95

You can find a direct link to each individual advent calendar on the underlined title of each one. This is of course, except for Primark as they don't have an online shop. 

Will you be moving away from chocolate this year and towards some beauty goodies?

My Top 9 A/W Lip Products

I thought i would share with you all my top 9 Autumn (Fall) and Winter lip products. The reason that it is 9 instead of 10 is because i didn't want to just throw another lip product in there to round to total up. 

Shade 13 - MUA

Shade 40 - YSL (Rouge Pur Couture)

Rose Lustre - Avon

All Out Gorgeous - MAC (mineralize rich)

Wild One - Seventeen 

Ice Bloom - Clinque

Eclipse Rimmel (Apocalips)

Macaroon - Revlon (Lip butter)

Galaxy - Rimmel (Apocalips)

Last season was the first time i had ventured into the darker lip scene. So i am still getting used to seeing darker products on my lips. As i am quite pale skinned, i also worry that if i go too dark then it will wash me out. I think i have rounded up a good selection, of what i consider, to be my favourite A/W lippies!

Let's start with some swatches on the lip products that you have seen above..

When it comes to lip swatches, i think they always look a bit different from on your hand to on your lips. I don't know if its because of the different shade of skin tone, or the fact that your lips already have a pink shade in them anyway, but i thought i would show you what they look like on both. Hand and lip swatches.

Clinque - Ice Bloom

This is classed as a "pearlised violet rose". It applies really easily, its moisturising and it lasts on the lips for ages. Its the longest wearing lipstick that i own. I worn this a lot last season, and i can imagine this season will be no different!

MUA - Shade 13

Whatever season it is, every girl needs red in her collection. On camera it shows it to be an orange red, but to me it is a red, red. No matter what light i put it in though it shows slightly orange. The pigmentation is amazing, theres no complaints over here, especially for £1.

Seventeen - Wild One

I feel like i talk about this product too much. Surprisingly, i don't think i have mentioned it on my blog yet. I think this is a perfect product for someone who wants to try wearing red and more bold lipsticks but needs to start feeling comfortable wearing them. This is a super pigmented red lipgloss and because its a lipgloss, it doesn't seem as harsh on the lips as a lipstick would. Its not overly sticky and the lasting power is pretty good. I wear this on days were i want to have a bright lip but i don't want to go as bold as a red lipstick.

 Avon - Rose Lustre

This was my first plunge into wearing darker lips. As you can see its not overly dark, but has a nice natural, berry tone going on with some gold flecks throughout. It applies really evenly, but the lasting power isn't as brilliant as all the rest. I don't generally like lipsticks that have obvious flecks of glitter in either, but there is something about this lipstick that keeps me coming back! It really reminds me of winter.

Revlon Lip Butter - Macaroon

I really love the formula of the Revlon Lip Butters. They have really moisturising and last on the lips a long time (but you do have to reapply if your eating or drinking!). The photo makes the colour more bright than i would say it was. I would class this shade as a mid-dark pink shade.

YSL - Shade 40

This is another one that looks lightly brighter through photographs. I really love this shade. I think it is so easy to wear and would suit anyone. The formula is a lovely and has a really nice sheen finish. It also lasts really well on the lips, which is a good bonus. 

MAC - All Out Gorgeous

This is the first mineralized lip product i have tried from MAC. The formula is super moisturising and creamy and it applies really well to the lips. It also has a scent, i can't really put my finger on what it smells like, but it smells good! 

Rimmel (Apocalips) - Galaxy

I am a big 'apocalips' fan. I own pretty much all of the collection. So it is safe to safe, i love the formula. It is very pigmented and gives an even coverage. You can also build the colour up as well if you wish. It was a lovely sheen finish as well. I would class this as a red/pink with purple undertones.

Rimmel(Apocalips) - Eclipse

The darkest lip product from the collection. As i have said above i love the formula of the Apocalips. I would class them as a liquid lipstick, because the pigmentation is amazing but they have the formula and shine of a lipgloss. The staying power is really good, they generally last a good couple of hours before i started eating or drinking.

What is your favourite lip product for A/W?

Giving Something Back - Operation Christmas Child

(Imagine was found, here)

Operation Christmas Child is an organisation ran by The Samaritan's since 1990. Within that time more than 113 million boys and girls in 130 countries have recieved gifts in the form of a simple shoeboxes. It is now the UK's largest children's Christmas appeal.

The idea is to find a shoebox and fill it with gifts for either a boy or a girl, and to choose the age of which you have designed the shoebox for - 2-4 years old, 5-9 years old or 10-14 years old. There is a list of appropriate items and a list of items you should not include on the website. Then just wrap your box up in some lovely bright paper and take it to your nearest drop off point.
If your are unable to find the time to go out and buy gifts to put in your shoebox than there is an option to build your shoebox online!

These shoebox's are then given to underprivileged children who will not receive presents on Christmas Day. Each child deserves a happy Christmas. Somethings living in such a privileged country, we forget, somewhere out there, people are not as privileged as ourselves to receive such luxuries.

Within your shoebox you can also include a photograph of yourself and a note hand written by yourself, for the child that is going to open your shoebox. I think this is such a lovely idea and it makes your shoebox even more personal.

Sometimes at Christmas, it can be easy to forget the true meaning of the festive season. That is to, think of others before yourself and how to bring happiness to others and the people around you.

Participating in the shoebox appeal, doesn't have to be expensive. What is a small gesture from us is something massive to them, just imagine a child's face when they open up a box full of gifts.

To me, that is priceless, and makes the whole process worthwhile. 

You can find your nearest drop off point, here. They will be accepting boxes from the 1st November - 18th November.

A look inside my shoebox

My shoebox will cater for the age range of 5-9years old.

I still have a few little things to get, such as, a brush, a notebook and anything else i can find. So far i have toothpaste, a toothbrush, a bar of soap, flannel, pens, crayons, sharpener, colouring book, sweets, yo-yo, a doll, a glitter play purse, hair clips and headband and a skipping rope. 

How will you be giving back this Christmas?

My favourite A/W nail polishes!

I have put myself on a nail polish ban until i go to the Clothes Show in December. The reason for this is because i have way too many. I own well over 100 nail polishes, do i need that many? No, but i like to think i do. So these are my top 18 nail polishes for the Autumn/Winter season.

I will name all the nail polishes clockwise.

None of the nail polishes have a topcoat on them, so that you can see there real shine and effects. 

As colours change from lighting, angles and the camera, i have took multiple photographs of each nail polish, in hope you can get the true colour.

Sinful Colors - Cool Grey, i think this is a really nice grey colour. It's not too dark so it can be worn at any time of the year and because its a light grey its very wearable.

Estee Lauder - Ultra Violet, i absolutely love this colour. It is such a pretty purple, with flecks of different coloured purple throughout it.

Deborah Lippmann - Cleopatra in New York, funnily enough, i brought this nail polish in New York City last Autumn. The black is slightly weak, so i often put a matte black on before and then put this over the top. It really makes the gold pop. This would be perfect for the evenings, or even New Years Eve?

Butter London - Slapper, this is a very vivd teal colour. I love this shade for every season, it is so wearable. I think its nice to have a pop of colour on your nails in A/W, if the rest of your outfit is quite plain and features dark colours. 

Butter London - Slapper, description is above.

Ciate - Main Stage, i would class this as a berry toned pink. Its beautiful, and will look stunning on the nails during the cooler months.

Seventeen - Celestial Pearl, this is a textured nail polish. It really reminds me of snow, so whenever i look at it i think, Christmas. You can get away with one coat, and it dries within seconds!

Kelly Brook - Navy Blue, this one actually doesn't have a name or number. It is a very dark blue, but in some lights shows up more of a purple toned blue.

Seventeen - Celestial Pearl, description above 

Kelly Brook - Navy Blue, description above

OPI - Anti-Bleak, this is a red/purple shade. I haven't really found a shade like this one before. I love these kind of colours for A/W. It also applies really well, opaque in two coats.

Color Club - Gold Struck, this is a light gold shade. The reason i have put this within the A/W shades is because i love the sheen it gives. I think it fits into the festive season really well. Also it looks amazing with a tan, winter sun anyone?

Avon (colour attract) - Rose Flash, this is such a beautiful rose gold shade. I absolutely love it! It is apart of the magnetic range so you can also make didn't patterns with it as well, but it also looks beautiful on its own.

Models Own - Absinthe, see description below.

Lets call this the Christmas photo.

Avon (colour attract) - Rose Flash, description above.

Models Own - Absinthe, this is a real Christmas tree green shade. The different flecks of green glitter really bring out the colour. The glitter also makes it such a festive shade. For a glitter shade, it is very opaque in two coats - impressive.

Nails Inc - Big Apple Red, in the Spring i would think Poppies. As its Autumn/Winter, i think this is a perfect Christmas red shade. Everyone needs a matte red for Christmas to symbolise Christmas!

Seventeen - Charm Bracelet, gold tinsel. Enough said. Along with the other Seventeen glitter polish, this can also be left at one coat and dries within seconds also.

Seventeen - Charm Bracelet, description above.
Rimmel London - Desire, i would say this is a dupe for Nails Inc Heddon Street. This is a very dark berry red shade. This is the kind of colour i am often drawn to within these cooler months.
Barry M - Almond, this is also a dupe for Nails Inc Porchester Square. This is a beige toned grey shade. Its a very classic shade, that i reach of all year long.
Barry M - Countess, this is another textured polish. It is purple based with flecks of purple, pink, gold, silver and more. It is really beautiful.

Barry M - Countess, description above.

Rimmel, I heart Lasting Finish - Ballet Pump Perfection, this is a really interesting colour. This is a hot pink with lilac undertones. It looks a lot more fuchsia like in the photo, as the nail wheel is transparent. When put on the nails it is darker. 

Models Own - Hayley's Comet, this is a duo-chrome polish. It has a copper base, with green, gold and purple shades running through it. Its a shimmery polish and perfect for the A/W season. I don't generally rate Model's Own polishes on there drying time, they actually take ages, but i am willing to sit and wait for this polish to dry. It is so beautiful.

Sinful Colors - Cool Grey and Estee Launder - Ultra Violent can be found in the first photo description.

I also wanted to share with you four 'top coat' polishes.

Ciate Caviar Pearls - Midnight in Manhattan, monochrome seems to be on trend this A/W and these little beads can give your nails a little bit of extra jaz! I generally only tend to do one nail on each hand, mainly my ring finger. As otherwise i find it is a bit too much. I usually pair this with a more brighter shade to bring out the monochrome more.

Seventeen Graffiti - Monochrome, i really like this shade paired under a grey nail polish. It even looks good on its own. There is different shapes within the polish to give it the 'graffiti look'. Along with the other seventeen polishes featured in this post, the drying time is amazing. This one is no exception. 

Kelly Brook - Gold and Silver glitter. This also has no name? I am not sure if this the same with all Kelly Brook polishes, or just the ones i own! I think this looks beautiful paired with a matte red polish around Christmas time.

Sinful Colors - Pearl Harbor, this is a clear polish with iridescent glitter. Its not your general glitter polish where you put it on your nails and only get five specks of glitter, you get a lot. This looks beautiful topped over any shade. I especially like it over my Kelly Brook nail polish in Navy Blue. The glitter turns into a blue when put on top and makes it look so beautiful.

Would you recommend any nail polishes for Autumn/Winter?

An evening with Miranda Hart

On Saturday i went to Wembley Arena, with my Auntie and saw "Miranda Hart's My, What I Call, Live Show".

She was

HILARIOUS!

I have always been a big fan on hers on her own hit TV show "Miranda". I wasn't too sure how she would come across on a big stage with just her. As normally, her witty comments and humour is normally, (but not always) shared with one of her co-stars, Stevie. Miranda held her own and there was never a point where i thought the humour, kind of lacked. 

I don't want to tell you much about what happens within the show itself, as you may be thinking about going to see her or you might have already booked your tickets. I would then completely spoil the element of surprise for you all.

The Wembley Arena was packed out with 10,000 people!! Can you believe that?! 10,000 people!! She interacted with the audience through out, it was, what i call, such fun! 

(This was my first time up close to Wembley Stadium too!)

 (Miranda's finale was brilliant! Most people got up and left because they thought it was the end, as it was her showing clips on the big screens. Don't be fooled, she comes back for more!!)

A sneaky peak into the programme..

To say that i really enjoyed my evening, would be an understatement. Miranda is someone who can relate to anyones 'awkward moments' and she's not afraid to share a few of her own! The next time she does a tour, i will definitely be getting myself another ticket to see her!